Pondering Your New Year's Resolutions

Each and every new year I make the same resolutions and I have been faithfully keeping all of them for decades.

My resolutions have always been offered to others so they can make resolutions and keep them all year long.

You may find some of my resolutions a bit hard to keep, as I have found with a few of them. But rest assured that if you wish to use some of the following resolutions as your own and practice great effort to keep them as yours throughout the year, you will find happiness on December 31, 2009 by the fact that you have kept your promises that were resolutions for 2009.

In 2009 I will:

Avoid buying and wearing mink socks.

Continue to keep from looking for and purchasing a new spring wardrobe made of chicken wire.

Not operate a leather-covered bulldozer.

This coming year I will keep from buying any recording of Gregorian Chants recorded by Metallica.

Continue to contribute funds to worthy organizations that help out members of OUR community.

Endeavor to make sure that no more than two roller-coasters are placed in any one park named after one of Mr. Peck's children.

Not eat broccoli, asparagus, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and cooked spinach during the same meal.

Try to edit some of my really long paragraphs and sentences better.

Not buy a used Bently or Masserati from Bob Bisno.

Continue to really believe that the Waterfront Redevelopment plan by the Port of Los Angeles will not be delayed longer than the next century.

Try to smile more even though I am not a natural smiler.

Frequently remind myself that human existence can be found to be quite absurd, very humorous at times, and filled with more questions than answers.

Not download selected Christmas Carols recorded by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.

I will shop for more than just restaurant cuisine and event tickets in downtown San Pedro.

Continue in the knowledge that without amputation, I cannot scratch my right earlobe with my left elbow.

Not pierce my nose with a railroad spike.

Not buy a Yugo, Vespa, Trabant (even though there is a cute one in town), or grass-covered Pinto.

Wonder.

Continue to love OUR community and defend it when I feel it needs defending.

Not chew the paper stick of a Tootsie-Roll Pop until after I have swallowed the chocolate.

Not appear as a dancer in any upcoming ballet. (If you know what I look like, you should be happy about this one.)

Try to see if Caveman Dairy can be edited into a collection of short stories.

Hopefully, I will find a job.